Month: November 2017

Behind a guarded door,
exists a little room,
that is full of all the things that make me…
ME.

The door is locked by a special key,
that once belonged only to myself.
Many have tried to enter this room
and all have failed.

All that is but one.

She came to me, like a mist filled dream, blue eyes taking, the breath from me….

She was
more than I had bargained for,
more than I could ever expect,
more than I could ever hope for.

She made her way through that door,
and made herself at home in that room.

She read every word,
of every page,
of every chapter,
of every book that filled the library in my mind.

She moved every piece of furniture,
making order,
out of the chaos that had been there before.

She took the breath of life.
turned it into two,
and then shared them both with me.

She was the reality that became a fantasy,
and the fantasy that became my reality.

And all she did,

was smile

When I was young I overheard someone say “you don”t have the sense God gave a goose.” Now as a child I didn’t have a clue as to what this meant. However, as I got older, and saw how a goose will walk into moving traffic without a care in the world, oblivious to its surroundings, that that saying started to make sense.

More and more everyday I see the evidence of a lack of common sense within the human population. People are so wrapped withing their immediate moment that they miss their immediate surroundings altogether.

It is true that many of the younger members of our race have a real lack of common sense. That though is almost forgivable as they are still young and will have to learn the ways of the world.

It is however, the displacement of common sense in the older members of our society that is very disconcerting.

When it happened I’m not really sure. How it happened I have no idea. Maybe I was mistaken the whole time, and people in general never had common sense.

Maybe I have taken it for granted that people paid attention to what was going on around them. That the concepts of not touching a flame, not rubbing your finger against the edge of the knife, not walking into the road without looking both ways first, was something that everyone understood.

Today that goose was walking up right in the guise of a forty something year old man in a blue north face jacket and dark blue jeans.

He stepped out from the store, and walked right into the parking lot, right in front of a white Ford Flex driven by an older gentleman, who I was surprised was able to stop his car in time not to hit the man.
The man didn’t even flinch as he continued walking to his car.

Now I guess I could even say that if he had been on his phone, maybe just maybe, that would have been understandable, but he didn’t even have a phone in his hand, he was just oblivious to his surroundings.

With less sense than God gave a goose..

From the dawning,
To the dusk.
We drift and we wander.

Souls,

in search of that,
which is a part of us,
yet missing from ourselves

Born of hope,
yet pinned to the dreams of another

We find salvation,
in not our own passion,
But instead in that
of another’s creation.

For our truth,
our being,
Is that of two halves,
Becoming whole again.

Yet in truth
Some will drift and wander forever,
For some souls
Aren’t meant to be saved.

“I’ve finally found the love of a lifetime,
A love to last my whole life through.
I finally found the love of a lifetime,
forever in my heart
I finally found a love of a lifetime…”
Firehouse

 

I have experienced love in the many guises it comes in.
The love of a father for his children,
a love of friends and family,
a love for music, and writing.
a love of community.
a love for nature,
and a love for the water…..

but in 49 years I have only been in love, true love, one time.

I know how people talk about the love they have for their spouses. The strong feelings they have for their boy/girl friends.
I know what society tells us on how love suppose to be,
What it says are the kind of things we should be concerned with.
I know the religious views on love. What they do and don’t accept.
I have heard nearly all the whys, hows, and whats behind this thing called love.

I know all this because I have been in those positions myself. I’ve had girlfriends, lovers. I have been married and I know the feelings that come along with these relationships.

While all those feelings, that surfaced at the time, were real to some extent, they weren’t near to what I now know love to be.

I’m talking about the love that dreamers dream of, the love that poets write about. The love that every person wishes to have in their lives but rarely ever finds.

A love that leaves you vulnerable with just a look, the love that sets the heart on fire with just a thought. the love that makes you weak in the knees yet gives you the power to fly. regardless of how much time has passed by.

The love that allows you to give freely of yourself, without hesitation, the love that makes every sacrifice, you might make, worth it all.
The love that keeps you safe from all that might harm you. While helping to guide you to where you are supposed to be.

So strongly have I felt this love, that never a moment passes that its not on my mind. This is the love that has captured my heart and my soul, and I know deep within them both, that if I am to never love another again, I have found, at least one time, the love of a lifetime.

Loving her was never a choice,
it was what the universe had planned,
from the beginning of time.

I’m not a huge fan of many things. I mean I do like a lot of things but I’m not RABID about much of anything in particular.
I like sports, but don’t ask me players names and stats, be happy if I know who’s playing. and rest assure I will pay attention to the game (especially if it’s a hockey fight) and I will yell at the screen for bad plays and calls.
I love music and writing, these are the two outlets that I have always pursued, but I have been known to go days and weeks without playing a lick, or writing a paragraph. Doesn’t mean I don’t love the hell out of them, just means that I don’t Jones over them.
I love working out. Staying in as good of shape as I can, has become very important to me. As I move head first into my fifties, I know I have to stay even more active then before, but if I miss a gym day or two I don’t fret it any.

There are however, three things in my life that I am totally fanatical about.

The first is breathing. I am a really really super huge fan of breathing. I start my day with breathing like some people start with a cup of coffee {don’t bother me until I have taken my first breath} Breathing is a big part of my day, if I don’t get a chance to breath I have a tendency to be a little cranky. Not to mention the fact that there is a big chance of me passing out

The second thing I’m fanatical about are my kids. Four of the most wonderfully insane creatures the universe has graced my life with. Two are mine, and the other two I love as though they were mine. The universe made sure that all four of them are as cute as can be. I think that is because there is less of a chance of me shooting any of them that way. yes like all kids they are pretty good at pushing the right buttons at the right times, but all in all I am proud of the people they are becoming.

The third thing in my life that I am fanatical about is my moon. I’m not talking about the large ball in the night sky, but instead the one that has graced the shadows of my life. The one that has helped this wolf start out on this new journey. There is nothing I can’t do when she is here with me. The strength and confidence she gives to me can never be repaid. The light that she shines to keep me upon the path I need to be on protects me, as well as keeps me war.

Its never enough to realize, in this life, what it is we like, or even what we might love. Its about placing those things that mean most to us in the forefront of our lives. To make sure that they are given the attention needed. If they help to brighten your life then by all means brighten theirs right back. Because in the end there really a few things that are worth being fanatical over.

Through out the ages man has searched for the reason he is here. For the reason he is alive.
He has used religious, philosophical, and psychological angles to help support his reasoning, as well as how he came to his conclusions
Some believe that we are here to worship God. That the universal, heavenly host, created us for the purpose of being sub-servant to his will. We are the care takers of this third planet from the sun, and as such, all we do is in his honor.
Some believe that the meaning of life is to find happiness. Happiness with every day life, Happiness with the world around us, Happiness with just existing. That regardless of what life brings to us our ultimate goal is Happiness.
Others however, claim the meaning of life is just to live. That we are here to just be. That happiness, sorrow, pain, and pleasure etc… are just temporary manifestations of the human condition. That in the end none of it truly matters.
Then there are those who have no belief in anything outside of the nature world . They hold no claim to a heavenly host that had created the universe, therefor they hold to the belief that all life is now and will forever be random. This is no real right or wrong, but instead grey areas for them to play around with.
Now I have thought about this question so many times myself. Sometimes I was sober and other times I was just a tad more tippsy than the law recommended. But the thoughts were all the same. Why am I here? what am I doing?
To the best of my limited thought processes, I have come to the conclusion that we are here simply to help one another. We help with others needs, and in turn others will help with our needs.The concept is simple, so simple in fact that modern philosophical minds don’t even cover it.
We help others when life fights against us.
We stand by those that have been left behind,
We hold those, who, can’t swim, high up above the surface.
and we help to free the bonds of those who place themselves in an self imposed hostage state of mind.

And why is it that we are destined to be this way??? Because in reality we are, all that we have.

Living should be an easy thing, hell we all do it everyday. However, there is more to living than just waking up in the morning.
It’s more than just the heart beating, breathing, day to day ordinary order of business.
Living is what we do with those moments while we are awake.
Most people, in my opinion, are afraid to really live.
To really open up and try to seize the world by the balls. To hold on tight for however long the duration of the ride might be.
To do this requires one to fall outside their comfort zone, to place themselves in the path of scrutiny of others,
To purposely take the chance of failing in a big way.
From a young age we are taught comfort, contentment, accepting the status quo, as being the norms we should be willing to adhere to.
Society likes us when we are in that tiny box called “normalcy”
It likes to have control and know when and where we are suppose to be.
Those on the edge, the ones that are really living, are harder to contain and control. This above everything is a great reason to open up our lives like never before.
Be free, Be wild, Be alive. Live each day as if it were going to be your last. Starting when you wake up tomorrow morning. Take a long look at yourself in the mirror and realize that you are in control of your situation. That you and only you can decide if indeed you are going to escape the dull drum and really live.
The old adage of “nothing ventured, nothing gained,” seems to sum things up fairly well.
Take the chance at living, you may succeed, you may fail, either way you can give the world a high handed one finger salute as it revolves around us, and our lives

So the story goes….

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.

“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

I first heard this story years ago in my early twenties, back in a time when I was first attempting to make some kind of sense out of my life.
At the time I could say that I understood the words and might have agreed with their meaning, but I was still young, and didn’t pay much attention to it.
All these years later, as I approached 50, having raise two awesome children, having seen a marriage of 20 years finally come to an end, and retirement not too far down the road, that I find myself rereading that story.
It makes so much more sense to me now, and I’ve come to the realization that for the majority of my life the evil wolf has had control over me.
That’s not to say that the good wolf hasn’t had it moments.
There were times where the good wolf had a chance of taking over, but it the end the evil wolf has always been a little stronger.
In the past couple years I thought I found something that would finally gain the good Wolf the advantage in the fight. This however, again may not be the case, and it looks like the flight will continue.
But I will keep moving forward, as always.

Which one will win,
The one we feed.

No truer words have ever been said

After all these years of trying to figure out what it is I am looking for. I have come to the conclusion that I am looking for the other half of my soul. I am looking for that one person who inspires me with their smile, who warms me with their touch, and sets everything I am on fire, just by being in the same room. It is said that this kind of feeling fades with each relationship, but does it have to??? I see those older couples, the ones who still hold hands, the ones whose eyes still light up when the other one enters the room, the ones who everyone can clearly see still totally love only one another. I think most relationships lose that flame, not because relationships are doomed for such a fate, but because there wasn’t really a flame to begin with. There was the excitement of something new, but there was never a burning desire. I believe that most people settle for contentment, pretending that it is love, because that is how we have been conditioned. I think love has been placed on the back burner, because people are to afraid to face the fact that maybe they chose the wrong “one”. It is not my place to say whether they are right or wrong, it is only my reasoning that I now know what it is that I am looking for. I am looking for that love that burns forever.